My child refuses to speak our home language: what parents can try

Short answer: it is very common for children to start answering in the school language, and it usually reflects how much of each language they hear and where each one seems useful. The most reliable response is to keep speaking the home language yourself, calmly and every day. Then add people, places and reasons that make the home language worth using. Pressure and shame tend to backfire, while warmth and small, playful nudges help.

Why it happens

The school language is everywhere

Once a child starts nursery or school, the majority language is everywhere: at school, on the street, on every screen. In a survey of 1,899 families, all the children spoke the majority language, while minority-language use was not universal (De Houwer, 2007). Researchers also note that minority languages are much more likely than majority languages to be lost as children grow up.

US census data show the scale. According to the Census Bureau's 2019 report on language use, in Tagalog-speaking households only one-quarter of children spoke Tagalog. In Spanish-speaking households the figure was 72%.

Children follow the hours

Children's skills in each language track the relative amount of input in that language (Hoff et al., 2012). When most of a child's day happens in English, it is no surprise that English becomes the language they reach for first.

Children notice status

A review of social factors in US childhood bilingualism found that the amount of input matters most. It also found that language status and attitudes play a role. If a child senses that the home language is "just for home", or that friends find it odd, they may not want to use it.

Older siblings bring English home

In US bilingual homes, older school-aged siblings used more English with toddlers than other family members did (Bridges & Hoff, 2014).

What doesn't help

• Punishing or shaming. Research on adolescents in immigrant families in four European countries found that the benefits of heritage-language use depended on good family relations (Kilpi-Jakonen & Kwon, 2023). A daily battle over language risks the relationship the language is meant to strengthen.
• Giving up and switching to English yourself. It feels like the kind option. But if the home language stops coming from you, the child hears far less of it.
• Blaming bilingualism for other worries. Speaking two languages does not cause speech or language delays.

What parents can try

1. Keep speaking it, even if they answer in English

Australia's Raising Children Network advises that if children become less willing, parents should keep using the heritage language, especially at home. Even if a child responds in English, they still benefit from hearing it. A child who understands everything is in a much stronger position than one who hears nothing.

2. Nudge gently when they answer in English

Researchers who study bilingual families describe a range of ways parents respond when a child switches language. Some responses invite the home language: "Hmm? Can you tell Grandma that in our language?", or repeating what the child said in the home language. Others let the conversation carry on in English (Lanza, 1997). Small studies have linked the choice to which language the child uses next. In a case study of a Catalan–English child, the parents' discourse strategies had a direct bearing on the child's mixing (Juan-Garau & Pérez-Vidal, 2001). Keep it light: a playful "In our language?" or simply recasting their sentence works better than refusing to listen.

3. Create real reasons to use it

Children use a language when someone needs them to. Grandparents who don't speak English well, a cousin abroad, a babysitter, a friend from a community class: each is a person the child can only reach in the home language. Hearing a language from several different speakers is linked to better skills in it (Place & Hoff, 2011).

4. Give it good moments, not only chores

If the home language is only used for "brush your teeth" and "hurry up", it becomes the language of instructions. Give it the good parts of the day too: jokes, songs, bedtime stories, cooking, family photos, favourite games.

5. Read together in the home language

In a study of Latine families in the US, parents used about five times as many Spanish words with an English–Spanish book as with an English-only book, without using less English. Parents' Spanish rose whatever their confidence in the language (Reinoso et al., 2025). The study measured parents' talk, not children's learning. A Montreal study found parents used their less dominant language most with books written only in that language. A mix of both kinds of book works well. Ask questions about the pictures in the home language; that conversation is where much of the language happens.

6. Visit, or bring the language to you

A study of Greek–English children in the US and Canada found that home use mattered most, and that visits to and from the country of origin also helped, especially with vocabulary (Chondrogianni & Daskalaki, 2023). Relatives visiting you count too.

7. Give it time

A phase of answering in English is not the end. Keep the input going, keep the tone warm, and review every few months what your child actually hears in a week.

When to talk to a professional

If your child stops speaking in both languages, stops speaking in certain places, or seems to be losing skills they had, talk to your doctor or a speech-language pathologist. That is different from preferring one language. This guide is not medical advice and does not replace a professional assessment.

Related guides

• How to raise a bilingual child at home
• OPOL vs minority language at home

The school language is everywhere already. The home language often stays at home. Pip Leaf makes personalised picture books with a family language and English on the same page, so the home language has a story of its own. See the books.

Drafted with AI assistance, edited by Dr Gazanfer Gür for the Pip Leaf editorial team. Last updated 26 September 2026.